When You Can Drive in Jakarta...

...then you can drive basically everywhere in the world, excluding Antartica (and other icy places) since we don't know how to work up a snow mobile, or put chains on our tires. Maybe I'm just blowing things out of proportion here, but really, you could only get the logic of these rambles once you get the slice of life in that of becoming a Jakartan yourself. Sure we are no where close to the murderous despair of Palestinians, nor the dying frustration of those who resides with plagues and terrorism, but I'd like to address Jakarta's idea of an energy blackhole in the form of its TRAFFIC as somewhat an equivalent of having an autistic hyper active child poking the back of your neck 24/7.

I'm not making this up, really. A German associate of my father once unapologetically declared that he would rather die instantly than having to drive a car in Jakarta. It's a wise choice, I might say, taking note that he's a foreigner and all. It's unfortunately true that you may feel this devitalizing force creeping inside your veins, killing you slowly, starting from the rapid loss of patience, racing heartbeats due to I-have-nine-lives jay walkers disrupting your route, this boiling sensation you have lingering inside your head, until you finally realize that you're actually being slowly murdered in the Jakartan style, before you even reach 25.

Me? I'm a corpse, really. That's why I let hubby dearest do the driving, and mind you, his skills is fully furnished up to the point where he can text-message in the middle of driving. Unsafe, I know, but I was just giving away examples how a geographically-challenged person like me can actually find a silver lining behind the stormy current that is the Jakarta traffic.

'Till then! Drive safe, guys.

-Tev-

Funny Martabak Sign

Happy New Year!

After slacking off like a sloth for a good whole month, I thought I'd start off 2009 with a bit of positivity! I mean, bitchfest is always more entertaining, but that would be like a pothead trying to pick which weed to smoke first before getting an absolute stoned'eged. Too many options for a similar result.

Now then, as I was strolling along the west district of Jakarta, I found an interesting martabak vendor sign:
The FIRST thing that caught my eyes about this banner is of course the manga-esque caricature of those three guys working up some sweet martabak patties. They're adorable and cute even by omitting the contrast of Jakarta's harsh nocturnal landscape, let alone being actually plastered against it. I couldn't help myself from not buying some of those lovely, soft, juicy, sweet, crunchy sweet martabak, of course, and I'm pleased to say that they're as pleasant as their representative banner.

Heroes of Jakarta 2

In Jakarta, the sight of motorcycles on the road is like watching hordes of wildebeest running away from a pride of lions in Africa. They are massive in numbers, always in a hurry, will trample upon each other if necessary to save their individual sorry asses, and although this might sound a bit shallow, they look rotten UGLY. Unfortunately, this is caused by the flexibility of motorcycles in general compared to cars when being on the road. Due to its slim body and much smaller frame, a motorcycle can go through so many narrow streets and alleys to get to a particular destination, including the necessity to barge through a one-way street that's in between small houses. All the things that only hasty people in Jakarta could only dream to do when they're stuck inside their cars in a middle of a traffic jam.

Yes, indeed safety is NOT something that these motorcyclists are putting on top of their driving priority, but when desperation to keep one's job is CONSTANTLY on their minds, they really have no choice. This man, for example:Those are coconuts he's carrying on both sides of his motorcycle, and while he's nowhere near the most disturbing sight in the city, it just goes to show how much someone would sacrifice their safety just to get the simplest of things across a destination. He's not alone and he certainly would not be the last in Jakarta to establish such work ethics, and therefore, putting some of his egotistic approach to the streets aside, he is nevertheless another hero of this city.

Local Hot Mess 2

Ah, you'd think that boys would be more careful when it comes to choosing their jeans and how they would fit their lovehandles perfectly on place, eh? Y'know, especially after paying witness to too many asscracks display us girls been doing and everything.... right?















Apparently not.




Well, there's always them boxers covering up your butt cheeks, fellas.

- La Bitch-

Heroes of Jakarta 1

When you hear about security officers, of course, you immediately thought about men (and/or women) with particular uniforms and self-defense paraphernalia on their belts, and that they're always around certain places to give protection to the people there. Now, ever since the whole serial bombing incidents that's been happening over the last years in Jakarta (or specifically ANY high-profile cities in Indonesia), the security enhancements at mostly every department stores, malls, plazas, hotels, airports, apartments, real estate clusters, etc. had been on full steroid treatment.  The ones featured here are just an example of those brave guys who are willing to take the risk of getting blown by a bomb to reassure other people's safety:

So, next time they ask the permission to check your car, remember what they've put at stake, and be a nicer person in return...

-Tev

Local Hot Mess 1

Really, is this a nouveau-aesthetic which just got recently discovered in the fashion industry? I know you have a fab body, woman, but no ass crack display known to man-unless we're going to a fetish discussion here-can be a delightful sight during lunchtime, in a hot city like Jakarta. I mean, you can't help but wonder some of the stuffs that pops outta your head when you see THIS:

"Does she clean it?"

"Does she wipe it only with tissues?"

"Is that dark spot some sort of daki' accumulation or..."

"I wonder how it smells..."

And before you know it, appetite is gone'th, and you're left with a bill of food you decided to ditch.

-Tev-

Jerks of Jakarta 1

Too peachy, ain't it? Look at how significantly all right it is to actually park one's car like this just exactly between the asphalt and the sidewalk for some people. It's just way intolerable at decency standards, and if I really don't give a rat's ass, I wouldn't even bother to put a block on his plate number. Let this be a lesson to every wannabe drivers out there, ok? If you CANNOT park your car correctly, DON'T drive. It's just useless and stupid, and chances are you're gonna get featured in a blog that makes fun of your dumb ass.

-Tev-